Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Just.....because 😊

 Because it's been a while and I haven't given my blog the love that it deserves. It's supposed to flourish in the same manner as all of my other writing outlets. It's like a journal....but online.....in public.....for the world to see and feel and touch ((with their eyes)). Just wanted to touchbase and leave a note. 

I hope everyone is alright out there. Staying strong and holding on in this pandemic. This storm that has taken the world by surprise. 

I started today with some affirmations.....and then some more came to mind during this check in. Soo here goes:

I am strong. 

I am present. 

I am here. 

I am in the moment.

I am experiencing it all while remembering that this too shall pass, "good or bad".

Today is a good day. 

Today is my day. 

I learn from my mistakes. 

Feel great and live well, everyone. Today is your day too!!πŸ‘‹πŸΎπŸ‘‹πŸΎπŸ‘‹πŸΎ

Monday, July 20, 2020

Style, please

Because when you look good, you feel good!
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πŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎπŸ™ŒπŸΎ
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Me and my friends have this conversation quite often. We uplift each other with words and speak straight to each other's spirits but at the end of the conversation, we make sure to account for what we've done for ourselves!!
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πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ₯°
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In an effort to maximize my self love efforts, I did a whole wardrobe do over. My closet was full of clothes that I either liked but never really wore, bought because one day I would be the right body size to fit in it, or I bought it because I wanted the courage to change my style but never actually went through with it. The end result of years of shopping was a closet full of things that weren't "ME". πŸ₯΄πŸ˜£πŸ˜ž πŸ§₯πŸ§¦πŸ‘—πŸ‘šπŸ‘™ Piece by piece, I changed that. When I bought a new shirt, I found an old one that had to go. If it didn't fit "ME" today, I got rid of it. I noticed that the clothes on my body felt increasing more comfortable as I increased my love for the "style" I'm in. 😍😍 Getting dressed is a must for me most days ((some days, comfort is all that matters, like today when I'm in yoga pants and a tank prepped for the yoga I did NOT do this morning πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚)) because I know that if I start the day putting effort into my self, I remember my value throughout the day. I appreciate my value. I invested in my self from the very beginning of my day. It stems into the rest of my choices. I make conscious decisions to eat better, choose my words better, sleep better, laugh more, love more, live well!! It's a ripple effect on the rest of my day every time I start it by taking time to make sure I look as good as I feel and vice versa. I was faking it when the journey first began but day to day it becomes more true. More effortless. When you look good, you feel good and no matter how good I look, I always feel better than I look 😊😊

Sunday, July 12, 2020

Unity

Marriage is about committing to growth. People tend to commit to who the person is at the time without allotting room for change......just sharing my thoughts. I'd like to think I know something about marriage considering it's something I want.
Considering it's something I did before....for all the wrong reasons. But that's just it. Next time will have to be right. Because I've done it wrong so many times.
Relationship after relationship down the drain. Time I'll never get back but of course it's all with a smile. It's like cutting all your hair off for a fresh start.
Next time I'll have more experience. Next time I'll have more understanding. Next time I'll be patient.
Patiently waiting.....but there really is no such thing as wrong. There's just either you tried or you didn't. I didn't try before.
I ran.
I cowered.
I hid.
I pretended.
Fake smiles.
Forced happiness.
Shrunken personalities.
Everything except a good ol' try.
Everything except showing my real self.
There's no wrong. There's only a wrong time. It wasn't a waste. It was just too early for one of us. Patience is a virtue that you can't have when you're rushing. I wanted you as you are....and then were because time passed but we didn't grow.
Now we can't go.....any farther that this. There's no such thing as bliss. There is realness and acceptance of where we are and where we want to be. Is it there trust?! Are we free to be whoever we want to be?! Is this big enough for you and me?!
I thought I wanted marriage but this sounds more like unity.
No bondage.
I just want to be free.
I just want to be me....with you!

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

John Wick

You... uh..."working" again?

John Wick:
No, just sorting some stuff out.


Except.....I am working again. Working harder than ever. In more ways than I expected. I'm still trying to figure out where I found the time but I don't dwell on it because I am BEYOND grateful that I found the time.

Found the time to meditate daily.
Found the time to say my affirmations daily.

Found the time to write BOOK NUMBER 3 ((shameless plug😏😏)).

Found the time to manage 3 IG accounts && continue to share the rawest pieces of me, little by little.
Found the time to raise my child.

Found the time to live life with him. Appreciate the sun and fun with him.
Found the time to have mommy friends.
Found the time for playdates and health and sleep.

Found the time to eat ((because moms rarely have that)).

I even found time to myself.

This post was for gratitude and reflection and a moment to pat myself on the back and give myself a hug.
I found the time to find balance and that was my greatest achievement of all.

I listen to my self and my body.

I hear the cues for tired, emotional, unhealthy, anxiety ((which has been on high lately)), stressed, projecting, and taking on feelings or behaviors that aren't my own.

Breaks happen often. Sometimes days pass without me "working" again but I hear the cues when it's time to get the ball rolling.

I found the key. I realized that balance isn't a lack of down days or a constant happiness or high. It's going with the flow. Embracing the ups and the downs while not letting either one last long enough to burn me out or kill my creativity or make me forget to focus.

I found my flow. Like any other flow, there are some moments when it's free flowing like the ocean or wild like the Rapids or slow like a small creek or blocked like a dam is in the way.

Each day I appreciate the flow as it is.
Patience.
That is key.πŸ’–

Monday, June 29, 2020

The Fountain of Youth

Because sometimes I think I'm too young for "crow's feet" πŸ€”πŸ€”but then I remember that  I have a 4 year old && I usually look tired because  I stay up late trying to work on my personal/professional goals ((or occasionally catch up on a show that I can't watch when @just.jamelw is awake)). 😊😊😊 31 with "crow's feet" is just fine with me. I'm completely okay with having it show that I could use a nap after I've spent the whole day living it up. This set comes from an impromptu roadtrip to soak up some rays while cleansing in the sea. My spirit was in need of a trip to the water. 😏😏😏 I can rest tomorrow!!! #livingmybestlife #crowsfeet #improturoadtrips #HiltonheadIsland #nofilter

Monday, June 22, 2020

Growth Management

Because one of the hardest things I've ever experienced is the healthy relationship after the toxic one.
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In a perfect world, there wouldn't be a toxic relationship.....but in the one I exist in, there's been many. Soo many terrible relationships to taint my view. πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€” All in all, I wouldn't change a thing for the world. I wouldn't change the butterflies or the faux love or the expectations or the broken promises because that woke me up.
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😊😊😊
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When I met the man who inspired me to continue to bring forth the peace within, I had to take a hard look at myself. I had to see who I really was, flaws and all. I had to explore strengths and weaknesses I didn't even know I had. I found a beauty in me that I couldn't see until I laid eyes on this man. The healthy relationship comes with introspection and a mirror that will pick you apart faster than some women can pick apart their bodies. But it also comes with an abundance of love, calm, and relief, even on the difficult days. It comes with understanding and communication. And disagreements. And growth. And reality, LOADS of reality that ends with a fairytale because once you find a healthy balance that promotes growth for both, you've found PERFECTION!!! #blacklove #blackcouplesmatter #blackcouples #blacklovematters

Friday, June 19, 2020

Vacations....

So my baby boy is on a trip and every break I get is considered a vacation in my eyes.....Of course I don't give my self the whole break that I should. I relax. I sleep. I eat well. Shower good. Do my hair. Take care of me. Rest my brain and my body......but I still think on some things.

I think about the future. The moments when he'll be taller than me. When he won't be my little man anymore. He'll have friends, more than he does now. He'll have a phone. A car. Places to go. People to see. A girlfriend. A wife. A house. A life. Health. Happiness. Prosperity. Everything I want for him.

Those are mostly happy thoughts for me. It's slightly sad when I remember he'll never be my baby again. Never fit in my lap again. Or my arms. Or my belly. But I appreciate it all the same.

These thoughts lead me to appreciate the parent I am able to be just that much more. It also makes me appreciate the parents whose children need extra care, love, and attention. Who lose sleep plenty of nights worry for their children, taking care of their children, working for their children. Parents are real life superheros. Your children definitely see your superpowers. I'm grateful for you all to be in this world. I'm grateful for this moment of reflection so close to father's day. Have a safe, happy weekend everyone!!❤πŸ₯°

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

Queen Lee

The act of being fit for a queen.
The Queen.
The most important player one the team.
Taking hits to protect the kingdom.
Moving in every direction.
Setting of in any path she wants.
Claiming her birthright.
Making sure all is right.
The act of being fit for a queen.

Queenly.
Queen Lee

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Pandemic reflections

I sit around thinking allllllll day long about the things I'd like to do. Listing them out like the very OCD individual that I am.

  • Write
  • Read
  • Clean
  • Posts pics
  • Take pics 
  • Quality time with my family 
  • Homeschool 
  • Eat
  • Sleep
Sleep being the most optional one πŸ₯΄πŸ₯΄.....but of course I am getting enough sleep to function.....and quality time pauses my writing. Take this blog post for instance....I'm already on my 3rd "break" from writing to help my darling boy with things, like hugs and kisses or just to sit with him 😊😊. 

I came into this "quarantine" with the thought that I would be super productive and accomplish......πŸ•πŸ•‘πŸ•œπŸ•£okay, I'm back. Only took a 5 hour "break" 🀦🏾‍♀️🀦🏾‍♀️ As I was saying. Thought I would be super productive and accomplish everything on my list and more.

In all honesty, I've only now been able to get a handle on things. Even though it's been a dream of mine, homeschooling out of the blue kicked my butt. My son adapted quickly but I didn't. My dream of being a teacher quickly faded at age 10 when I didn't have the patience to "teach" the neighborhood children on my toy chalkboard. Of course, that couldn't have been accurate. I mean, I was only a child myself. I had to give it another try.

Age 18, a whole year into college ((insert student loan debt)) and teaching was NOT for me. 😱😱 But here I am at 31, teaching a preschooler who remembers more than I do about school. It's like:
Me: "Hey, honey. Wanna learn about fiction writing?! IG posts?! Something I'm actually good at?!"
((Blank stare for a few seconds))
Jamel: "Mom, I want to learn about the planets?! Why did they kick pluto out of the solar system?!
((Another blank stare from me at 31 NOT knowing when Pluto got kicked out but now knowing that we are mad at the scientists who kicked Pluto out since all Pluto ever wanted was to be a planet))
Me: "Okayyyy."
Of course, I spent a few late nights trying to create a curriculum that was educational, fun, challenging enough, and not frustrating for mommy AND child.

That alone took up all the productive energy I could muster up during this epidemic. I feel very accomplished but that definitely wasn't all that I planned to do during this time. Introspection has been front and center during this time as well. Taking up the rest of my energy period. How productive can one be when every day feels like Mercury retrograde, right?!

Exercise has gone on hiatus. I've finally weaned myself off the "quarantine" snacks ((although, I almost bought oreos to make deep fried oreos today. I think I miss carnivals the most 😭😭, especially funnel cakes but I can't make those)). I have been meditating and slowly building the energy back up. One thing I've realized is it's okay to not be "productive" during all of this. I mean the world is pretty much on pause for the first time in like EVER. It's okay not to know how to deal with that. I do know that it is okay to define productivity for YOUR situation. Hitting your personal goals are all that matter. My goal for today was to finish this post and I think I'm finally done.....guess it's time to create a plan for myself now. ❤

Toothbrushes

Early morning antics give me time to sit back and look at this ball of light that I've created.
Energy moving soo fast that the time past.
I'm wondering where it all went.
My memories flood back.
I remember that it went to the winter, and the fall, and the spring, and the summer before that.
The one where I taught you how to act and walk and talk.
I watched you smile and sleep.
Now you're out here teaching me about the shapes, the colors, the stars and the moon.
How to soar.
How to just be more.
How to stand tall in my purpose, even when I'm a little nervous.
I love you more than you could imagine.
The greatest being that ever happened.
Every day with you is special.
Every day takes the cake.
Every day feels like Mother's Day!!!
πŸŒ»πŸ’™πŸŒ»

Thursday, April 9, 2020

Unknown

There's always more that I wish I knew
Or do or did or want or need.....
But in the end, the sands run out
No matter how much you've accomplished
Or didn't....
The only thing that last forever is the unknown.
I wonder what that's like.....

Just.....because 😊

 Because it's been a while and I haven't given my blog the love that it deserves. It's supposed to flourish in the same manner a...