Sunday, December 2, 2018

Chrysalis

She knew her time had come.
It'd been a long month but she enjoyed the rest.
Enjoyed the break.
Enjoyed the darkness.
Now she needed more room.
Needed to be free.
Needed to breakthrough.
She tried but to no avail.
She tried again, tried hard to sail.
She broke through this time.
She flew and flew like a beautiful dancer in the sky.
She looked up in the sky for him but she could not find him.
She looked below and there he was.
She wondered why he was the same.
Why, as a caterpillar, would he remain?
"I have changed," the caterpillar said.
"I've transformed too. Just like you."
She smiled and flew, for she knew.
Lies he told was all he could do.
He did not change. He'd never be a butterfly.
She flew away, without a goodbye. 



Sunday, November 11, 2018

Soldier




Yo' left, yo' left, yo' left, right, left. Your MILITARY left, soldier. 

Oh, you woke up late? Beat your face, soldier. 

You miss your family? Well, Jody is your kids' daddy now, soldier. 

PTSD? What's that? Quit malingering, soldier. 

Suicide?! Not today, soldier. 

We need you to cut the grass. 

You're on the edge. Suck it up, soldier. 

Drunk on duty? You ain't thinking, soldier. 

Seen your battle buddy blown up? He'll get a memorial. 

He'll get a burial. His family will get money. 

His kids get a scholarship. Quit whining, soldier. 

When I got blown up I reported to work the next day. 

Want to end the cycle?! Not today, soldier. 

We got a game to play. It's called war. 

Countries in distress?! We can't help them all, soldier. 

We choose a few. Soon you'll be on your way. 

Want to know how we choose the countries?! Me too, soldier.

Thursday, November 8, 2018

The confession: haircut chronicles

My confession admits to my depression.
I used to ignore it.
Treat it more like an apparition.
It was just there, sorta like your hair.
But now it's gone and all I'm left with is fear.
Fear and shame every time you call my name.
I turn my head because you don't look the same.
The voice it matches and I close my eyes to smile.
The memories all flood back, my beautiful little child.
"But mama, it's still me. I'm still the same. Why, oh why would you turn your head in shame?"
Because I've let my anxiety and society let me think that hair could define me or you or our relationship.
I could never love you less and even though I couldn't imagine loving you more, i do.
Every day I wake up, I'm glad it's with you.
My son, you're the best and you make me better.
You've embraced this cut even when I ran from it.
Your tiny frame enjoyed this transition with a joy that I have never endured.
I'm grateful your smile is contagious.
One that last for ages. Thank you for forgiving me and all my insecurities.
I love you and your cut and your feet and your tiny, little butt.
I love your dimple and everything about you. It's oh soo simple.
Your wisdom will get me through and the knowledge that I hope to share with you.
You've shown me the way.
There is no shame. No anxiety.
No depression.
None of society's impressions.
My beautiful baby has made me proud.
As a mama, I'll say it loud.
I'll love you unconditionally if you promise, my baby to always be......💗

Monday, November 5, 2018

The end....


The veil falls over my face but I still see the light.
I slowly rise towards it without a fight.
My body is weightless and I follow the light surrounded by darkness.
I do not turn or look back for I have given up the physical.
My spiritual has taken the place of my mental.
This transcendence engulfs me in a light brighter than flames.
This must be it.
The way a life ends.
The way we find ourselves in the next place.
Limbo must be short or I skipped the line.
I've floated up straight to the great divine.
I accept my fate with a smile on my face.
This must have been the warmest embrace.
Before it's all over, I fall back to where I started.
Swaying gently like a leaf that has dearly departed.
Separated from the great tree that it once was one.
Away from the light. Away from the sun.
I open my eyes from the deepest slumber.
Wide awake and full of wonder.
Thank you creator, you have been my savior. You've granted me another day.
I arise with much haste for there is no time to waste.
I've been given another day.
A new beginning where it was once the end.

Sunday, November 4, 2018

The First Date

"I'm late."
Is the text I send.
The usual one.
Again and again.
I don't think I've been on time for anything.
Not even my birth.
Boy, that must have hurt.
I ponder on how much I really owe my mama as my hands continue to wander.
Touching every garment in my closet.
Judging piece by piece. Ripping my self-esteem apart in the mix.
I fall on my bed as a casualty in this war of love. Getting dressed for the one I'm thinking of.
But this date, the one that I continue to be very late, isn't the one I'm thinking of.
What's a first date if it's not a poetry slam
Or jam
Or spoken word
Or library
Or some other literary digest where you overfill yourself on life.
I jump into my jeans as I imagine the words whisking me away to a magical place.
That's probably the only date that I'd never be late.
The first date of my dreams is the one where it seems as though I'll be known in the streets more than the sheets.
"There she goes."
"That's Meadow."
They all say I'm the girl or the man or whatever of all the poetry jams.
I'm doing it with this poet thing and I'm loving every minute of it.
I put on my shoes and glance at myself.
I smile at my reflection and walk through my door like sheer perfection.
I must hurry up for this date.
The one for which I'm already late.
The one that might lead me to my fate....still thinking about my dream date.
But I can wait, for words are timeless and priceless.
I'll wait for the date which I cannot be late.
It will be our first.....the very best date!

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

The meeting

"Huddle time," a voice shouts. 
Murmurs begin to whisper about. 
It's that time again. 
Same time every day. 
It comes around so fast I forget it exist. Wasn't it just this time yesterday? 
Where did 24 hours go? I wonder as i lean against the wall. 
This very blah room could ruin anyone's day. 
It simply was nothing but gray.
The furniture and walls just meshed into one. Nothing existed in this room except numbers and machines. Everyone falls in line all humdrum and sad, except for me. 
My position is perfect. This view is means for an escape. 
I'm outside now. 
Sitting under a perfect tree. With it's perfect green leaves and perfect brown bark. In the perfect shade. In the perfect grass. In the perfect sun. Putting sunflowers in my hair. 
Watching ladybugs dance through the air, laughing and taunting the ants below. 
"Oh silly ants, you don't know how to be free. All you do is labor on like the worker bees. No fun is had. No dancing and laughing. Just work, work, work while the time just keeps passing." 
A lady bug lands on my hand as I nod in agreement. Silly ants. They just don't know what to believe in. How can you labor all day while this beautiful, colorful world is here for you to enjoy? 
"Let's go Meadow. Back to the grind," the voice floats. Pounding on my eardrums. 
I shake my head as someone pushes me from behind. 
I'm in line again in this gray, soulless room. 
No longer outside enjoying the view. 
I'm buzzing back to my desk and it cuts like a knife. I am the worker bee and the silly little ant. 
I lose it all until next time. 
'Til the next meeting. 
Now back to the grind. 

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Me.....?

I came across this in a different post and I figured i could answer these questions better in a poem.
1. Who am I?
2. Who have I been?
3. Who do I want to be?
What picture would be better to accompany this post than the most RAW I have. This is me now, at 30. Tired after traveling for 3 days to get to Malaysia ((long story)) yet the absolute happiest I've ever been. I'm a mother, author, and world traveler that FIRMLY believes in being as AUTHENTIC as possible, inside and out. Rawness is what makes us ALL who we are. This post is just to let you know a little bit more in a general sense. I mean,  we've all been "there" before. We're different yet We're all the same.
_

Poem below 😊
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Who am I they ask?
Who have I been they ponder?
What do I want to be?
She's been through it all, how can she smile?
It must be fake they surmise.
All these whispers but not one asks me.
Well I am me and that's all i can be i shout.
Simple as that.
I repeat it DAILY.
I tell myself that my past doesn't dictate ME. I have done it all and seen it all. I've been a monster born of despair and wickedness. Spreading the same hateful whispers that i have to hear today.
I apologize to those I made waver when they tried to stand talk despite all that was not in their favor.
I've been the darkness trying to dim someone else's light. The hurt and the pain I've inflicted cut deeper than any knife.
But I know now that what i did was wrong. Thats who i have been but I'm not anymore. I've grown to realize that while I'm not quite there yet, I know i can gain more than I've lost in myself. I'll be whole again, at least that's what i say. I strive to be better than I've ever been before.
Who I want to be is me plus a little bit more.
I'll get there one day, that I'm sure.
But until then, I'll keep being me and nothing more.

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Poetic Justice.....5.38

If I told you that a flower bloomed in a dark room, would you trust it?

It's only right that the person who finally, albeit unknowingly, helped me crossover into the blogging world is a poet. Blogging from https://poeticlyblessed.blogspot.com/....oh the irony, considering the fact that I loathe poetry. Maybe, just maybe, deep down I want to be a poet. Not really sure if I'm deep enough. Or maybe I ramble too much. And I keep going and then I have a novel on my hands.
I can't stop at a page.
I can't stop at a paragraph.
I can't stop myself......
As the rain beats against my window pane and this child's hand sits on my chest, I feel so alive. The energy flows through me. I'm up writing away at 5.38 am and I know I've found my PURPOSE....but I gotta get up. Gotta get back to the grind in less than an hour. It's just my passion is too much to ignore.
This is me.
This is who I am.....let me get ready to put on my mask.....another day of pretend.

T&E Thursday part 💬

 🥴🥴 Let's just say the 1st 2 weeks were anomalies....🤔🤔 or maybe this week is the anomaly because I have NOT been on it. Idk what ha...