Tuesday, February 18, 2020

To say

Because the fact that I did this almost 10 years ago to the day did nothing to prepare me for this time around. No amount of time and experience makes grieving any easier but it does help to have loved onea by your side while you're going through it. 10 years ago, I was numb. 4 years ago, I completely broke down and could barely take care of myself. This time gave me strength and balance. The ability to express my feelings AND still push through.....now that I've read this to him, I can post it about him.
When I met him, he was about 52 years old with a full face and brown eyes. His hair always neatly cut. Who would have known it'd be love at first sight, although I'm not sure which one of us felt it first. Over the years, we grew together. We didn't spend a great deal of time together but I can't think of a time when he wasn't there or near or close or around. The man I knew never said much to me but he always smiled and said he loved me at least once every time we talked. 30 years later, I cant say I know him much better but I know I love him a little more and more each day. Especially due to the way he loves my child. Never saying no when I needed a moment to myself even though we knew he wasn't going to be the one babysitting but just hearing "put him right here " as he pats the space in the bed. And I smile from ear to ear because that's just what I want to hear. And my baby coos. And time goes on. And things change. And my child grows from a cooing baby to a curious child and none of that matters because you love him all the while and I wonder if you knew. But maybe you do. I realized there was still soo much to do. Soo much I never knew. Like what's your favorite color....or food....or place. What do you wish you could have done? What's your favorite thing about this world? Did I make you proud?! Are there things you'd want to change?! Even without all those answers, my words are still the same. Thanks for being the best Grandpa and Papa you could be. I love you, Neville and I'll never forget you because I know you never forgot me.....😘

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