Tuesday, May 12, 2020

Pandemic reflections

I sit around thinking allllllll day long about the things I'd like to do. Listing them out like the very OCD individual that I am.

  • Write
  • Read
  • Clean
  • Posts pics
  • Take pics 
  • Quality time with my family 
  • Homeschool 
  • Eat
  • Sleep
Sleep being the most optional one 🥴🥴.....but of course I am getting enough sleep to function.....and quality time pauses my writing. Take this blog post for instance....I'm already on my 3rd "break" from writing to help my darling boy with things, like hugs and kisses or just to sit with him 😊😊. 

I came into this "quarantine" with the thought that I would be super productive and accomplish......🕝🕑🕜🕣okay, I'm back. Only took a 5 hour "break" 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ As I was saying. Thought I would be super productive and accomplish everything on my list and more.

In all honesty, I've only now been able to get a handle on things. Even though it's been a dream of mine, homeschooling out of the blue kicked my butt. My son adapted quickly but I didn't. My dream of being a teacher quickly faded at age 10 when I didn't have the patience to "teach" the neighborhood children on my toy chalkboard. Of course, that couldn't have been accurate. I mean, I was only a child myself. I had to give it another try.

Age 18, a whole year into college ((insert student loan debt)) and teaching was NOT for me. 😱😱 But here I am at 31, teaching a preschooler who remembers more than I do about school. It's like:
Me: "Hey, honey. Wanna learn about fiction writing?! IG posts?! Something I'm actually good at?!"
((Blank stare for a few seconds))
Jamel: "Mom, I want to learn about the planets?! Why did they kick pluto out of the solar system?!
((Another blank stare from me at 31 NOT knowing when Pluto got kicked out but now knowing that we are mad at the scientists who kicked Pluto out since all Pluto ever wanted was to be a planet))
Me: "Okayyyy."
Of course, I spent a few late nights trying to create a curriculum that was educational, fun, challenging enough, and not frustrating for mommy AND child.

That alone took up all the productive energy I could muster up during this epidemic. I feel very accomplished but that definitely wasn't all that I planned to do during this time. Introspection has been front and center during this time as well. Taking up the rest of my energy period. How productive can one be when every day feels like Mercury retrograde, right?!

Exercise has gone on hiatus. I've finally weaned myself off the "quarantine" snacks ((although, I almost bought oreos to make deep fried oreos today. I think I miss carnivals the most 😭😭, especially funnel cakes but I can't make those)). I have been meditating and slowly building the energy back up. One thing I've realized is it's okay to not be "productive" during all of this. I mean the world is pretty much on pause for the first time in like EVER. It's okay not to know how to deal with that. I do know that it is okay to define productivity for YOUR situation. Hitting your personal goals are all that matter. My goal for today was to finish this post and I think I'm finally done.....guess it's time to create a plan for myself now. ❤

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